Friday, December 22, 2006

happiness and new years bevelutions

Are there people out there that don't want to be happy? Is the desire for happiness so inherent, perhaps the only prevelant inherent thing in everyones personality? Can we be happy if we have desires? Is there a grey area? Some would argue not. I definitely believe there is. If we are just our genes, and just our propagation capabilities, then this stasis requires ambivilence, and happiness is the cattle prod to ensure we don't end it too soon. I for one, welcome happiness, and can think of no better way to spend this sentience. If it is our idea passing capabilites, then i have a lot more to learn, cause this meme business is over my happy head. Ahh, ignorance...

This has been an exciting year for me. For a lot of people. Ups, downs, stasis. I'm writing this in the back room of my place that has been gutted, had new drywall, ceiling, floors, window, etc.. Thats change for ya. And thats only on the surface, what lies beneath is much more interesting. I like that certain things i read and people i listen to reveal that everyone is exploring, all the time. I think going to new places is great, its one of the great advantages to living in an urban area. Of course, you can do this in the bush, but you have to be a lot more observant or creative. Here, there's always some bloke willing to treat you to some new speciality, sight sound or smell, something that you wouldn't find in your own backyard (if you're lucky enough to have one). I think taking advantage of this, and being happy about your discoveries, good or bad, is precious.

Back to the bevelutions. In order for me to maintain this degree of happiness for another year, i think i'll have to get my health back. It has been slowly depreciating in value as the interest rates my bodies credit pay increase (ie age). Old grey liver, ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be... actually my liver's ok, its my lungs that i think suck ass. Need to clean em up, clean em out. Perhaps cleanse time again, perhaps procrastinatory lifestyle, who knows. I'm obsiously non-commital about cleaning, i just read what i just wrote, its from the heart, and it probably means 1 less smoke a month. Shits killing me, for sure.

I believe, as pompous as this may sound, that my recent fortunes have strung from among many other things, my desire for good karma. I believe acts, even if performed in solitude, that make you a better peson, will make you a better person to others as well. Everything you do reflects on your personality. Mabye not right now, but in time, definitely. I try to do the best i can for a) myself and b) people around me. I don't want to f*ck anyone over, ever. And if i can take a burn, or a burden, or a bruise if it means someone else might have a slight decrease in suffering or pain, i'll take it. I'm a "confrontation avoider". Bring it, i'll fold. And i'll be happier for it. Boring yes, ignorant probably, happy for 2006 definitely, 2007 hopefully too. Have an uberkickass holdiay if you got one, slack if you don't, thanks for reading this far in this boring assed biatch of an infrequent rant.

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