Saturday, December 31, 2005

thank you 2005

Its been a good year. I have to say, i'm more impressed with optimism than with any other concept this year. I've realized it's the guiding lite, anything else is just a waste of time, or something that should be acknowledged needs working on. I have no room for negativity anymore. I have time for my friends, people i like, people i love, and things i enjoy. I will also make time for things i may not enjoy right now, but hold promise for the future. All else is moldy gravy, totally unworthy of contemplation.

Have you ever been told you're Joshua? You're this guy that is so like this guy that its scary, even pathetic. You look so alike, minus eye color, its scary? And words, emails and voicemails alike, all the mails, are erily similar? Very strange. Life continues to weird us all out. Thats never gonna stop, until we're old and we're saying "hef fun" with our rusty coils we try to pass off to our grandchildren as slinkys.

Yes, 2005 was a learning experience. No doubt 2006 will be busier, crazier, scarier, and more enviogorating than the last. This is because i've embraced confidence and optimism. And because things have turned my way. For all the ways things have turned i am thankful for. If i have one brutally obvious thing i need to work on is to be more selfless, and less self absorbed. I care for others, but rarely do i take part in selfless acts. Even for selfish reasons (ie, to be more selfless) i think they should be done. If i were to make a nwr it would be that. I should, make the time to help others not convinced of the benifits of optimism. Drama is so unnecessary with friends, be and let be, don't let silly preconceptions and fantasy play a part in reality, when reality is all that should be necessary. Blah blah, merry fuckin xmas, happy new year, and if you're faced with a question, the answer that best suits the "why the hell not" response, is most likely the scariest but right choice. Go for it, theres really nothing to lose.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

all kinds of unpredictablity

The past few days has run the gamut of all possibible emotions and situations... well not quite, but a lot has gone on. I'll start with right now, and work backwards as far as i can.

Today, i am 28. Nothing new here cause i've been saying i'm 28 for a while. But i am 28, my 5th seventh of my life is beginning. I feel it too, i'm not young anymore, and people that are under 24 or 25 seem noticably young.

Helped move a friend yesterday into an apartment that broke up for sad reasons. Half the stuff had to be sluffed off into the corner as the person had yet to come pick it up, and may not... moving someones personal effects when you don't if they know you're doing it is weird.

Christmas night out at the local bars is a lot of fun. Waiting in line to get into a bar on christmas night is fun. Staying up till 4 in the morn on christmas night is fun. It was also quite warranted, and not too insane. Saw lots of folks, had some family accompanyment, and the general glow throughout the establishment with all the serenity and issues of all the people was nice and heartwarming.

My grandmother passed away on christmas eve. She had been fighting and gradually getting worse all week. She was 92. At first the timing seemed tragic but the more we realized, the more we thought and hoped that perhaps she knew the timing, and did it for everyone's well being. She didn't want us to worry during christmas dinner. She was an amazing woman and will be greatly missed, but i believe it was her time and that she is happier now.

So now? Its my bday and i'm going to do whatever the hell i feel like doing. Some of which involves buying stuff and eating and drinking. Ok, thats basically all i'm going to do... mabye a little yoga first to limber up to the challenge.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

holiday cheer

My holiday has begun, i have little to say but much to do and think about. My birthday is coming up, and i've got a list a mile long of things i'd like to accomplish next week. I've tried to organize it, i hope i'm realistic.
persimmon
In the meantime, if you've never had a persimmon, get your ass to boushy's and pick one up. They're 1.50, and pretty cool. I'm waiting for the one it the pic to get all mushy, apparently then it'll be good. And if it isn't, the sensation you get from biting into an unripen one is so unique you have to try it at least once.... bitter bitter bitter. The flesh is so tasty, like a peachy mango, but your lips will pucker like crazy!!! I had a salty pistachio to cure it, but there are probably better cures. O what a feeling.

I hope you all have a merry holiday and don't let crap like not buying enough xmas crap bum you out. I've decided it just ain't worth it this year, selfish yes, but nobody thats worth anything would wish the bummering on you... i certainly wouldn't.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

decisions decisions

almond butter extravanganza
It has been a brain-searing week. Everything is super, great, and scary as all hell. There is uncertainty in ever facet of my future, and its all been chosen by me, and i couldn't be happier. Only when greeted with a challenge, and facing it, can one truly have reason for such confidence. Bah, life is a test, its all risk, and nothing is gained without giving up at least a little bit of comfort.

Have said all that crap, looks like i'm voluntarily switching jobs to regain some spark. No more money, lots more hours, and tons more uncertainty... all for the sake of polyvalency (i did borrow this word from a friend).

All i've been doing is thinking, drinking, cooking (click on the pic to get the deets, not feeling too redundant right now), and vegging. Its been a great week. Now next week, i must start xmas shopping, in all of my *ings that i've been doing, i've also been incredibly selfish. Well duh? This is something i'll have to work on. Yes, indeed.

Monday, December 12, 2005

uberhectic

Life has been hectic. This has been perhaps the most fully featured 2 weeks of my life. In the following 4 categories i will rate the amount of activity - a relative scale is used, relative to previous life developments:

Home life: 70%
Love life: 85%
Cooking life: 54%
Work life: 90%

This is all i can say. My prediction for these numbers 4 weeks from now...??

Home life: 30%
Love life: 85%
Cooking life: 75%
Work life: ... this one, i just can't answer right now. I'll know more on friday.

Is this all to subtle? Probably... only so many details can come out at a time, and i guess now is that time for no details at all... how about this. I've got 50 or so pages left in Rohinton Mistry's "A fine balance" and i plan on lying in bed right now and finishing it. I'm exhasted, and this will be the earliest i've gone to bed in months probably. Phew.

O, and put some chestnuts in your tomato based pased sauce. Roast them first of course, then add em. They're an excellent meat substitute/replacement. Just don't add to much other jazz, except perhaps some mushrooms and cream... ya, rose that bitch up. Damn, thats what i forgot. Next time.
more pasta and chestnuts

Wednesday, December 7, 2005

note to self

If a door stop needs installing, don't wait, install now!!!

Holes that were once holes that get fixed, but then become holes again, aren't like seasons, or memories, or other things that go away and come back. They don't create a feeling of warmth, and comfort. They don't make you feel that life is worth living, and all the bad times were just a test and penance for the good times, which are the majority. O no, not at all... reoccuring holes are nothing like that.

What reoccuring holes do, is make you realize you have prioritization issues. They teach you that once a wall is damaged, it will never be the same again. Like the battered fruit that is our brain matter and conciousness, we struggle to understand our place and our surroundings, and the reoccuring hole makes us realize how little we've progressed. The reoccuring hole symbolizes all that is wrong with our society, and teaches us nothing of how to advance further.

Ok, i ramble, but DAMN IT, I'M PISSED!!!!! Now i have to try to patch it again, reputty, repaint, yada yada. I moved my bed too so i'll be staring at it every night before i go to bed. Silly, silly me.

Monday, December 5, 2005

whoa


Its been a *busy* week and a bit. I made my house look even more ghetto by stringing up some old school xmas lights outside. I did however finally take the tape off the front windows, it helped the ghettoness, but i was getting sick of looking at it. I had some panel work done, yadayada, this is the first time i've sat down at my desk in my new location and do nothing but play poker and drink a beer. I'm also eating corn chips and learning of proscuitto (including how to spell it!!!).

As for all that lustation mumbo jumbo, lets just say life never turns out the way you expect it, and lust can be redirected just as easy as it can run away screaming and shouting. And sometimes, it might even come back to you...